Dealing With Doubt
We've all had our doubts; about others, situations, ideas, ourselves... It's a perfectly human thing to feel. But it's an intangible thing that can completely destroy us.
Especially when it's coming from every angle. Have you ever told a friend or family member about a dream/goal of yours & they've torn it down in complete disbelief that you'd actually be able to achieve something so impressive? Gotta say, those people suck. If someone loves you, they should always believe in & encourage you, but I digress. It happens. All the time, actually. Think about how much that affects you. Have you ever given something up merely because somebody else told you that you couldn't do it? Gah, I sure hope not. But people do it all the time. "If So-And-So says it's impossible, it must be true..." Well fuck So-And-So, because it's not true. If you believe in something enough & work hard enough for it, you will succeed. Now, I must explain that success doesn't always come in the way you'd originally planned, so you can't become unnerved & give up at the first sight of failure. Sometimes success comes through failing at Plan A through Z. But if you're learning from each failure, it's never truly a failure, now is it? I'll tell you what is though: never trying.
That being said, I never used to doubt myself. I knew I could do whatever it was I wanted to do if I made a plan of action, stuck to it, and worked my ass off. My boyfriend out of high school laughed at me when I told him I wanted to move to California & get my degree in Fashion Design. "What are you gonna do, become a fashion designer?" Yes, asshole, I am. And I did. Not only that, but I graduated with Honors, received the Outstanding Achievement Award of my graduating class, and got recruited to be on WE TV's America's It Girl (a design related reality TV show) without even having to apply or try out... they called me. During college, my dream was to become an editor of a magazine. After I graduated, I left San Diego to move closer to LA and 3 months later I was offered the position as editor at Huntington Beach Culture Magazine. BOOM. In the beginning of 2014 I was working at a bar & it was eating every moment of my life (and turning me into an alcoholic). I wanted so badly to work for myself. I wanted to spend my time & make money doing what I love to do. So I started putting my feelers out & mentioning my hard skills to people through casual conversation, I started getting hired for independent jobs, and now my freelance work has been paying the bills for a year & a half. I'm able to travel and work remotely whenever I want without ever having to request time off work. My point is not to brag about my achievements, but to explain why I trust in my method so much. I've never lost sight of what I want out of life, I believe in myself, I trust my struggle, and every day I take steps that bring me closer to my next goal.
On the red carpet at an event for WE TV's America's It Girl on which I was a featured designer
Now I must go back to what I said before: I never used to doubt myself. I cannot say that I've never doubted myself. It sneaks its nasty little way into my mind every so often. Recently, I've noticed it more frequently. As I get older, my dreams get bigger, I feel more pressed to do all the things I've always wanted to do, and I start to wonder if there's a limit on my luck. Then I remember---it's not luck---it never was. Everything I've done in my past has led me to here. Every small victory I've earned lays a brick in the foundation of my life's ultimate success. So fuck the haters, the naysayers, and especially that teeny little insignificant voice in our head that tests our devotion. Doubt is just a notion. You are an animal.
